Have you ever had that moment where that last amount of feelings you had for someone finally is all gone and you just cry? You're happy and relieved but you just cry. You sit there thinking about how much time you've wasted, ready to leave it all behind, so you let go and cry. You let it all out until you're you again. You stop trying to find a reason for why you're crying and just cry. And after it all you're stronger, better, happier. So just cry. Let it all out, cry until it's all over, you've been holding on too long. Stop trying to find a reason why and let's just cry.
Sunday, 23 April 2017
Question: why do you love what you do?
Me: what do you mean?
Person: why do you love reading alone, and listening to music? Why do you loose yourself in writing and watching disney movies?
Answer: Because it's my escape. In reality I can't do what I want or be who I truly am, but I find solace with in books, I find a release with my writing, I find the words I want to say in songs and the person I want to be in my favourite disney movies. That's why even if for a moment I have happiness. Pure and blissful happiness because I get to live multiple lives through these means.
Wednesday, 19 April 2017
Wednesday, 12 April 2017
Some say death is beautiful, and maybe it is. But I believe it's cruel and ugly. Have you ever lost someone? Ever been so numb you didn't know what to do? Seeing everyone around you in tears and breaking down, but you're not because it hasn't hit you yet, you haven't really comprehended what's happening. Then some days, weeks even moths later it hits you, and it hits you hard. It's that moment where you think "shed/he'd know what to do" and you go pick up the phone to call and then it really hits you they're gone. They're gone and they're never coming back. And you sit back and cry, no screaming, no sobbing but that silent crying that if someone listens close enough, they'd hear your heart shattering into a million pieces. Because you lost someone who meant the world to you, who you could be yourself around. And that loss changes something in you, your smile is a little dimmer, your eyes sparkle less. No one notices. The one person who did is gone. And that's why I think death is cruel and ugly, it's takes away those you love, along with a piece of your heart and a part of your soul.
It's like you never took things seriously, you made me want to pull all my hair out. Never listening always joking, but I couldn't stay mad at you for long. We were like day and night, like Venus and Mars. We were perfectly imperfect, and now it's all gone. You broke what was left of my heart and I still can't stay mad at you. Even if I could turn back the hands of time I wouldn't do anything different. Because the end of our journey may have come but the ride here was worth it. So I'm writing this letter to no one, hoping maybe one day you'd see it and know what you meant to me.
Tuesday, 11 April 2017
It's been so long since we've talked. You probably have gotten other friends now, busy with your life. I just wanted to see how you were doing. If you were safe and if you were happy. I wanted to see if you remembered our friendship, no matter how small it was. I wish I could go back in time and relive those moments where we laughed together and had fun. Then we stopped talking. It wasn't a transition, we didn't gradually stop. It was abrupt. We just stopped. And I miss talking to someone who gets my love for music and can quote our favourite musical. Someone whose writing makes me feel and whose art is simply amazing. We weren't friends for long, but you were someone who truly got me, and maybe I just wanted that back. A friend that I could laugh with and who understands.
But hey, all I wish for is just that we could talk again, I just want to know you're ok, I just want to know that you're happy. Because that's what friends are for?
So I'm writing this letter hoping you'd see it, but you probably never will, because this Is my letter to no one.
Monday, 10 April 2017
Hey everyone, this is a piece that I fell in love with; it was written by a friend of mine. His name's Gabriel and he's a U.S. Marine :D. So here's "Lost Soul"
I never thought it would hurt this much, you were a big piece of who I was. You built up the wall that kept me strong and now you're gone. I've lost my soul and I'm empty; im stuck in the pool of tears, where I stored my fear; And they haunt me.
I since saw the light at the end of the tunnel and it's closing in on me. But being with you only reminds me that I've lost you. I don't know who I am anymore. And I don't know what to expect from the future.
Every saint has a past,
And mine is dark.
Every sinner has a future,
And mine grows dim and cold.
I am a Lost Soul.
Sunday, 9 April 2017
She was innocent before you touched her; he was like sunshine before you tainted his light. Why? Why did you do it? What gave you the right to take her innocence away, strip her of her dignity and defile her self worth? Why? Why did you do it? What gave you the right to raise your hand at him; why would you bruise and batter a child as young as he was, increase the fear in his heart, inflict pain upon him, cause him trauma no child should know. Why? Why did you do it? Why did you Beat her until she could move no more then defiled her temple over and over again until all she we felt like was a rag doll? Why? why did you do it? Why'd you throw insults at him until he was in tears then proceeded to "discipline" him for those same tears until he couldn't move anymore? Why? Why did you do it? Why'd you extinguish the light from their eyes? Why'd you take two beautiful angels from this world and send them back to the creator? Why? Why do you not feel remorse for all you've done? How do you live everyday knowing you're a sick monster? Why are you the one to live and they the ones to die? That's all I ever wanted to know in this world, WHY?
We spend each day going through the motions, never really stopping to see what's around us, never looking up to see a different view. Sometimes all you need to do is to stop and look around and you'll see someone who needs you, who truly needs your help. I see a world filled with so much wrong; rape, abuse, assault, bullying are all problems we face in this society. These are no jokes, you should never joke about anything as serious as this. Stand up against violence against women, men and children.
Thursday, 23 March 2017
It's the colour of her dress when she leaves you breathless. It's the colour of her lip when she whispers in your ear. It's the colour she sees when she gets mad at you. When you hurt her and she screams, it's the colour that pierces the atmosphere. When you calm her and hug her to your chest, it's the colour of your pulse as she listens to your heart. It's the colour of her lips when you kiss her after that 'I do'. It's the colour of the love marks you leave upon her skin. It's the colour of her cheek when she listens to your sweet nothings after so many years of marriage. It's the colour that leaves her face after that final goodbye. It's the colour of your heart shattering and bleeding at her grave. It is not the colour you see as you cry because she is now in deaths embrace.
Wednesday, 22 March 2017
Fairytale, something resembling a fairy story in being magical or extremely happy. She was extremely happy, she believed that he was her prince charming. She was on cloud nine, blissfully unaware of the monster she loved. For this is reality and the prince's are all villains. Showered her with sweet words and blinded her to his evil. She didn't know that the moment she gave him what was most precious to her, he'd leave her broken like little fragments from a glass heart. She was thrown into a new darkness, not willing to believe her fairytale was over. But what she never could see was that not all fairytales were meant to be happy, some were meant to deceive, some were dark and filled with tragedy. But all she could do was drown in that darkness while he laughs on his path to his new victim. Her screams of torment and sadness pierces the air like a banshees cry, her eyes red rimmed from tears like a Vampyr's blood filled eyes. Little by little she embraces the deception, she embraces this new fairytale, she embraces this change. Her laugh filled with the vengeance of valkyrie, her eyes blazes like the brightest flame. In this new fairytale she'd be stronger, she'd be wiser, she'd control the ending. She'd make the monster fear what he had created, she'd make him face his sins.
It's not What was said that that ended their relationship, it's what went unsaid. He never told her he loved her, he never wanted to scare her away. He never said that she was the most mesmerising creature he'd ever met, he never said what needed to be said. Now she's gone with the last rays of day and his life is plunged into a never ending darkness. Maybe if he just told her what was on his mind, maybe if he was brave enough, maybe... Now he's just left alone in the colourless life with the unsaid and she's gone.
The first time I saw you I was speechless. In that moment I understood how the world was a magical place. I saw the colour of delicious chocolate in your eyes, I saw the texture of silk as your hair. I smelt the sweet scent of fresh rain after a hot day, I saw the beauty of the sunset in your smile. I saw the confidence of hurricane in your step and the gentleness of a rose in your touch. You were like the eye of the storm, calm and collected but the aura of strength and destruction. Your lips as soft as a dove but as firm as steel. Your laugh melodious as a fairy on a midsummers night but eyes twinkled with mischief as puck's did. I never noticed, I always thought that you were a beautiful oberon, a splendid Odin; but I came to realise that you were a Loki in disguise, a hades meant only for darkness. You were all that was dark, yet all that was light... and in that contradiction I found what I never knew I needed. I found the darkest light; A beautiful disaster, a calm storm. I found a Loveless Love.
It's quite weird, I know but idk, I just came to me.
Saturday, 11 March 2017
Some people wonder if there's a life after death; wondering what's in that great beyond. I'd like to think there is, like the heroes of norse myth there's a valhalla for them, and the people of Egypt the great anubis guides them to the underworld. I'd like to think death isn't the end, there isn't a great nothingness after you perish but a new adventure awaiting you. Wouldn't it be something to me Micheal or be graced by the ultimate fallen? But then again wishful thinking never gets us anywhere. Death is a mystery we as humans should not know the answer to. We live our mundane lives looking on, smiling, laughing, crying, living, but fearing that one day the grim hand of death will get us. And in that aspect we'll never see the true beauty that is death. The irony in it all, we spend our lives trying as much to stay healthy and be safe and no matter what at the end of the live there's only deaths embrace that awaits us.
My friend 'A' gave me this prompt to write and I just wrote and this is what came about. My ramblings don't always make sense, but I still hope you do like it.
It's been a while since I've posted. I've recently listened to Yurima's album "First Love" and had some inspiration. So this is just a little impromptu writing called "First Love"
Some say your first love is the one that makes you smile so hard it's like your face is about to break. That person who'll make you laugh when you want to cry, that person who kisses your wounds and heals your heart aches. The one who'll love you with all your flaws, and praise your queer way of thinking. They're like the sun in the sky shining so bright. But like Icarus, if you fly too close to that sun, you'll fall. To me, Your first love isn't defined by the first person to make you feel all these things, it's the first person you give your heart to conditionally, the person you let walk right into your life and allow to break your heart. The person who has the power to be your demise. And when you thought you were the master of your fate they came in like a storm, and leave a pain that can't be shaken off. And even after all this they'll never leave you, they'll always be in your heart, they'll always be there tormenting you, calming you, being a guiding light. They make you curse life but love life at the same time. They'll never leave you even as they fade from view. Your melancholy heart will always beat for them. They're your inspiration. And beyond all the hurt you still love them for they are your first love, and you can't possibly bring yourself to hate them. So don't be afraid to find that love, no one ever said it'll be easy but it'll always be worth it. Your first love will break you and make you. And that my dear Is your "First Love."